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How To Make Your Toddler Possessed
By Lisa Barker, www.JellyMom.com

I rarely take my kids on a clothes-shopping expedition--unless it's for the child in tow and all the rest are at home. This means, I have a 90% record in my favor of happy, well-behaved kids when shopping for clothes.

Unlike me, when I was a child, my kids aren't running through the aisles, or ensconcing themselves in the middle of a circular rack...and consequently aren't getting their hair lengthened when mom seizes their ponytails and pulls. HARD.

I have kids who actually look forward to clothes shopping.

That is, until today.

I haven't been shopping seriously for clothes for myself since my twins (now eleven) were about the age of their youngest sister now who's three. That was back in the days when just about the time I was completely down to my undergarments one or both of the twins would whip open the curtain of the changing room, much to my chagrin and the surprise of all the other customers in the vicinity. Whee!

So, eight years later, I'm a little wiser and REALLY desperate. Down to the two little ones, I tuck them in the double stroller and embark on my daring mission to seek clothes for my new body. (After five kids, it's a new body.)

Well, we're at my favorite store--the one where I mooned everyone eight years ago. I'm relatively sure that no one remembers me. I rifle through the racks like a clerk at the post office sorting mail. Yep, nope, maybe, nope, nope, YES!

Once I accumulate a load of 'yesses', I pile them on the stroller and park the kids just out of arm's reach of the dressing curtain. I'm fast, I'm greased lightening and I'm in and out of outfits so fast I'm busting a sweat. And then it starts.

At first it sounded like the low growl of a finely tuned Caddy. But it begins to build and crescendo with vehemence. I peek out of the curtain just in time to see the sweet blonde head of my three-year old rotate 360 degrees. Her eyes cross, that deep guttural growl sounds again and then--Yipes! I duck back before the pea soup can hit my new skirt!

I know, I know. Seven hours shopping for clothes, no matter how many cookie bribes I made, no matter that we took a lunch break and no matter that Momma got them each a plush dog were just a wee bit too much for these kiddos. The three-year old is trying to take her two-year old brother's head off (she sits behind him in the stroller) while he's simultaneously attempting to scalp her.

Okay. Time to go. Wait...just one more thing!

BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Snorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre.

One is possessed. One is out cold.

We check out. It'll be months before these two won't shriek when they see a rack of clothes.

But hey, good news! One skirt was half off...and the toys were free!

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© Lisa Barker ~ Want more Jelly Mom™? Visit www.JellyMom.com. Jelly Mom™ is syndicated by Martin-Ola Press / Parent To Parent.



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