JellyMom(TM) - Go Ahead and Laugh!
Momma CowBy Lisa Barker, www.JellyMom.com
Did I say that I'd post my weight at the beginning of this month?
You BELIEVED ME??
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
It WAS 177. Apparently, two days later it was 182. I give up. I don't like the scale. I never did.
And NOW, I don't like my jeans either, but I need to rethink my position and get on speaking terms with them again. As it is, I don't fit into them and something needs to be done...especially since they are my MATERNITY pants!!
So naturally, I'm sitting here giving my fingers a great workout as I type this...and sit on my bottom.
But I'm not here to complain. (You believe that, too???)
I was sitting and writing the other day when my one year-old toddles by. Now he's pretty verbose and has been stringing words together left and right. Spongebob ball. Bottle nigh-night. Up dinner. Stuff like that. And those two word sentences easily translate into more sophisticated sentences jam packed with meaning.
For instance:
"Spongebob ball?" means, "Where is the new ball my sister got for her birthday?"
"Bottle nigh-night," means, "I'm tired and ready to go to bed, Momma."
"Up dinner," means, "Please, put me up in my highchair so I can eat."
So just what do you think Momma cow means?
Oh, I know what it means, all right. It means, "Momma is a big fat cow who sits around on her big fat butt all day and does nothing to work off those excess calories and stimulate that slowing middle-age metabolism of hers and she's using medication as an excuse for her weight gain but we all know it comes down to a matter of having the correct attitude and willpower because with proper daily exercise and an appropriate meal plan, momma could slim down nicely, but no, she'd rather hide behind a big scoop of chocolate ice cream and add to her bathroom scale misery and poke fun at herself just to try to make other people laugh..."
Ya, think?
I told you my kids were bright. We don't even USE any expressions in our home with the word 'COW" in it, so I'm thinking that this kiddo is AMAZING. Except I don't like the publicity.
Momma cow.
Out of the mouths of babes.
This is what God gives me; this is the divine intervention I get when I asked God to help me lose some weight.
Just because I like to have dessert for breakfast doesn't mean I need a one-year old to tiptoe up behind me and say, "Momma cow!"
Or stroll casually through the living room while I am battling the temptation to steal a piece of chocolate from my dear husband's stash, and gibber with glee, "Momma cow! Momma cow!"
Who set him up to be the grand pooba super-conscience in this house, huh???
Well, I can tell you one thing...it's working!
But I am DEFINITELY keeping those cute baby pictures of him that are sure to embarrass when I share them with his fiancée in the future!!
Momma cow my eye.
Moooooooooooooooooooooo!
© Lisa Barker ~ Want more Jelly Mom™? Visit www.JellyMom.com. Jelly Mom™ is syndicated by Martin-Ola Press / Parent To Parent.
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