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Where's The Briefs?By Lisa Barker, www.JellyMom.com
My eldest son is eight-years old. Now I know that kids at that age through twelve, especially boys, will stop washing so they can cultivate a nice layer of grease and filth over heir bodies.
And I know that most walk around with their flies open. It’s just that there's so much to learn, so much to absorb at that age, who can be bothered with such small details like zipping up one’s fly?
And these days, it goes well with the intended fashion statement of wearing one’s pants two inches lower than one’s briefs.
But I’m not complaining that my son has taken up this lose-the-belt-look. Oh, no. I think I could understand that one. Even though I detest the excuse that “Everybody else is doing it." At least I could understand that reasoning in some way.
No, my son has come up with another fashion faux pas. He doesn't wear any underwear.
Hey, it’s just too much trouble to put them on!
Which gets me to thinking...why do we wear underwear anyway?
To protect the outer clothes? I’ll buy that. After seeing what an eight-year old boy can do to the inside of a pair of jeans when he doesn’t wear his underwear...which has something to do with not bothering to waste time with bathroom tissue....
What gives?
“Son, why aren’t you wearing underwear?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Didn’t you realize you didn’t have any underwear with you when you were dressing in the bathroom this morning?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then, why didn’t you go back to your room and get a pair of underwear?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you like not wearing underwear?”
“No.”
“Didn’t you notice that you haven’t been wearing them all day?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Then WHY didn’t you go get some and put them on?”
“I don’t know!”
Why I try to get to the bottom of these things I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I’m a mom and it’s my job to make sure my kids are wearing clean underwear at all times, as if should anyone else ever find out the contrary, it will be decided that I am somehow an unfit mother because my children aren’t wearing any underwear.
And I can just see my mother, her mother and her mother’s mother shaking their heads in shame. “What kind of mother is she? The boy didn’t even have on any underwear.”
It’s part of the genetic make-up of mothers. Not only are we authorities on pig sties, it is our God-given duty to make sure all our children wear underwear and they had better be clean.
Section IV, Article VII of the Mother’s Handbook clearly states that ALL CHILDREN SHALL WEAR UNDERWEAR AT ALL TIMES AND IT HAD BETTER BE CLEAN.
But try getting that through to my son.
He just gives me a faraway look, like his mind is already out riding his bike and soon this harbinger-creature that gave birth to him, that is now squawking over him and giving him the third degree, will release him so he can go outside to play.
Who needs underwear anyway?
© Lisa Barker ~ Want more Jelly Mom™? Visit www.JellyMom.com. Jelly Mom™ is syndicated by Martin-Ola Press / Parent To Parent.
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